Transitioning

         Last year at this time I had a nasty fall in January and dislocated my shoulder. I had to have surgery to repair it. While it was healing my doctor discovered I had done damage to an already damaged lower back. It's taken a whole year to get my life back. But now, I'm not quite sure how much of it I actually want back. While sitting around for months on end healing, I had so much time to reflect on my life and the direction it was going in. Right now, at this very moment, I am transitioning but I don't know what direction it's taking me in. 

     I've done a lot of reading during this period, but I still haven't come to any kind of resolution. Everything I've read tells me to stay focused on my goals and don't deviate. The problem is I don't know now if I have the same goals anymore. The goals I had a year ago just don't seem as important now as they were way back then. Or maybe I just got lazy. I feel as if I'm floating in limbo with no clear direction of where I'm headed.

     I still have a passion for knitting and crocheting and I'm certainly going to have to come to some kind of decision with my creative side. I can't just keep knitting and stockpiling it all. Right now I have two big Rubbermaid containers filled with items that are ready to go and should have been put up for sale this past winter. There's so much to do before I can get everything listed on the site. I know this winter is a bust but I could have it all ready for next fall and start fresh. It could be just the fact that now I feel overwhelmed with how much has to be done.

     Even my writing has taken a back seat. I'm not sure anymore if I actually want to keep this blog up and running. Do I truly have something to say or is it merely the ramblings of a woman with way to much time on her hands? Perhaps it's the wintertime blues or cabin fever and possibly I'm feeling sorry for myself.

     One good point is the doctor has given me the go-ahead to start working out again. Hopefully, this will be my saving grace. Has much as I hate taking the time to exercise I do know how it makes me feel. It may be the one thing that brings everything else back into perspective. It's hard to feel confident about your choices when you no longer feel strong and in control. Exercising was the one thing I missed the most. Yes, I did go to physiotherapy but it's not the same. I can no longer lift weights but I can use resistance bands. I've also started doing Tai Chi. I am hoping it will help to direct my energy in the right direction.

     One thing I have learned over this past year is how to relax and live for one day at a time. Before the injury, every minute of my day was scheduled. I had to be doing something all the time. My days were filled to the max. I know now that I don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I no longer tell people I'm retired, I tell them I'm on permanent vacation. I do run a small business from home but I can afford to take a day off when I want too. I have no bosses and no one to report too.

     

Right now I have no idea where this transformation is going. I've chosen to go with the flow and see where it guides me. If I decide I don't like the ride, I can always get off the train and buy a new ticket.