Over Here @ Crazy Lady Lane

     I've seriously been wondering if I actually have what it takes to be a writer. I don't know how many blogs I've started and then abandoned. Writing in my journal everyday is one thing but a full out blog, I just don't know. I don't want to put my journal online. That would be so boring. Who wants to hear about the life and times of some old doll living in northeastern Ontario. Come on lets face it, my days are not filled with daily adventures and exciting moments. I'm really quite ordinary. Oh every now and then I get a bee in my bonnet but those times are few and far between. I have to admit, over here at Crazy Lady Lane, there isn't much happening. Basically it's pretty boring.

     My most successful blog was "Mason Jar Journals" and I let that one go when it was just starting to get noticed. I don't cook as much as I used to and putting up jams and pickles doesn't happen as often as it used too. I only cook for two now and most of that isn't fancy. I find the older I get, the lazier I am. Just simple meals for simple people.

     So sooner or later I'm going to have to make some kind of decision. Do I just continue the way things are or do I get serious and try to find things to write about. Most days it seems like way to much work. I live in Spanish and I don't get out much. Lets face it, there isn't much going on here in sleepy town. Maybe moving back to Elliot Lake would be a good thing.

     I'm starting to understand now that retirement isn't always a good thing. You actually have to make an effort to get out and about and meet people. I'm quite happy living in my little cocoon and not bothering with the rest of the world. The world outside my home is a messy place and I really don't like it to intrude on my space. I've become quite a little hermit since we moved back up north. God, who am I trying to fool. I was becoming a hermit when we lived in downtown Kitchener.

     I don't have any close friends to speak of. I do have a lot of acquaintances but most of them are drinkers and do it on a daily basis, they irritate me, not people I would want to hang out with. Others are just so old they have dust on them. I'm not quite a senior yet but is this all I have to look forward too, dust?

     I'm not sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my life but some how I would like it to have some meaning, some kind of purpose. I can't just sit around and knit all day and call it a life. I'm not asking for excitement but purpose would be good. I know we're suppose to follow our dreams but I don't even know what that is. I don't even know where to start. Going down to the senior's centre and playing bean bag baseball doesn't do anything for me.

     I've been off work going on six years now and I've tried to keep busy but I'm running out of ideas. You can only knit or crochet so much. Everything I'm interested in consists of sitting in one place for long periods of time and I know that isn't good. I'm not into group sports. I can't walk for long periods of time because my bad knee acts up. I just don't know what to do with myself.

     I think I'm going crazy.